Rebuilding Yourself


Just because a man took your power away and completely destroyed you at one time, does not mean you cant rebuild yourself now. You don’t have to give up on yourself.

He took you for granted. He didn’t notice when you bought a new dress just for him. You wasted money. He didn’t tell you how great your new hair cut looked. He liked it longer and curled. When you put a little extra effort into getting ready for date night to look good for him. You were trying to get attention from other guys. 

He was never wrong. All the times he cheated. All the nights he stayed out drinking. Those were all your fault. The minute you stand up to him, he hits you. He lets you know and shows you that you are below him. You are nothing.

Every time he hits you, you know he is wrong, yet you can’t do anything about it.  Your phone is so close, you can reach it. Call the police. Call for help. But you can’t move. You sit there and take it. You take every blow waiting until the screaming stops.

You get in the shower to wash off the blood, the shame, the fear. But it never leaves. No amount of scrubbing can take care of the filth you feel. You look at yourself and you don’t even know who you are anymore.

You stay awake all night running through everything that happened in your head. Every single detail. How could you have made it different? Why didn’t you fight back? Why didn’t you just walk out? Why did you let someone take away your strength? 

You don’t ever want to be that girl. The girl who people look at and pity. The girl who will always question a piece of herself. You loved the man that destroyed you, what does that tell you about your taste in men? I never wanted to be her, but I was.

We all look at therapy as a weakness. Only crazy people go to therapy. You are weak if you go. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You are forced to face who you are fully and completely. Rebuild your strengths and crush your fears. You find out more than ever who you truly are. Choosing to go to therapy isn’t something weak people do, it takes strength to stand up and say you need help.

You are a gift. A gift to your family, a gift to your friends, and a treasure to whoever you end up with. It took me completely losing who I was to figure out who I needed to be.

You can hear how important you are, how beautiful you are, and how special you are from a million different people. But until you actually look yourself in the mirror and see all those things, you will never feel important, beautiful, or special. You will never know how strong you are until you fix the weak parts of you. Sometimes you need to absolutely hit rock bottom to climb your way back to the top.

It is their fault. Every single time they hit you, screamed at you, took the steps to destroy you. It was all them. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are worth it.

There will always be mountains you have to climb. Curve balls. Bumps in the road. But you will be okay, I promise. You will learn so much about yourself.  It is never too late to see the potential and passions that you possess.


It is never too late to love yourself. It is never too late to rebuild yourself.



Why I Am Waiting For Something Real…

1F94EA0D-2589-4E75-B9EE-44FEF4AB7041 We live in a time where dating has a million different meanings and stages. There is dating, talking, being exclusive, seeing other people, basically we are all terrified to get attached.

We all fall for the illusion of what we think love is instead of waiting for something real.

We settle for failed relationships that give us what we want instead of what we need.

But every time we find out that this illusion, this “situationship” as I like to call it, will never cut it. We all deserve an incredible, whole hearted, respectful, and meaningful love. I for one, am done selling myself short. I am going to wait for something real.

This cat and mouse game we call dating is out of control. We are always afraid to be the ones who get attached first in fear of heartbreak. What we forget to realize is with every failed “situationship” there is a lesson to be learned.

We learn that we deserve someone who will love us even in our darkest times. This person will embrace your scars and broken pieces. They will love you for your broken pieces and insecurities.

We learn that we should wait for consistence. Someone who will always be there incase of an emergency. If my world starts crashing in I need to be able to count on you. Someone who will put in continuous effort-even after they have you.

We learn to wait for the one with drive. Someone who wants to be somewhere in life and has goals they want to meet.

We learn to wait for someone with integrity. Someone that not only loves your body but your heart.

Wait for the one who will never make you wonder. You won’t have to wonder “what are we?” You will feel like a priority in their lives. You will never feel like a second choice.


Wait for the right person. They will be your best friend, your partner, and biggest fan. You could meet them tomorrow, next month, or next year. What a shame it would be to be stuck in a “situationship” and miss out on love.


You Can’t Fix a TOXIC Relationship

I think we can all say that at some point in our life our significant other has raised their voices, lost their temper, or needed some space to clear their heads. You can see how upset they are in their eyes. Disappointed in their actions. Sad that a fight came down to yelling and screaming. But what if that yelling and screaming turned into pushing and shoving? Those upset eyes were filled with rage instead of tears. That rage and darkness overcomes your light and before you know it you are dancing with the devil. That is when a relationship becomes toxic, and believe me when I tell you theres no coming back from that.

He was prince charming. Handsome, full of compliments and gifts. He makes you feel like you are the most important thing in his life. You feel like you are the only one who will ever matter and no other woman ever compared to you.

Little did you know that so much bad will come along with the good. You can’t escape from something you didn’t even see coming and before you know it you are sucked into this cycle.

The kind words and compliments quickly turn into screaming matches. You feel guilty- “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have argued. I should have let him have that next drink. I should’t be so controlling. I shouldn’t feel so insecure.” You tried to understand and make it better, but the closer you got to him the further he went away from you.

Suddenly you realize that you are a puppet and he holds the strings. Every time you fell, he kicked you while you were down.

A cycle appears- You fight, punches thrown, things broken, he left. He reappears with the most sincere of apologies and every abusers favorite line –“I love you, it will never happen again.”  

We believe them and we forgive them. We forgive them because we feel bad for being angry in the first place. Remember, this was our fault. We don’t know that our forgiveness makes us look weak to them. It sends the message that he can continue to do exactly what he is doing without consequences.

When we are stuck in this cycle with someone so complicated you don’t realize the negative affect it has on us. We internalize, push away family and friends. You slowly want to just stay at home, after all how many times can you come up with cover stories when someone asks why you have bruises all over your arms.

What happened to the prince at the beginning of this “love” story? The man who was so sweet and caring? His kind and loving words have turned into terrible, degrading, insult filled rants followed by hollow apologies and empty promises.

Maybe you’ve been stuck in this cycle for so long that you feel a connection to him. That when things are calm it feels anything but normal. If he isn’t apologizing for all the fighting and professing his love for me then he doesn’t care right? You have become addicted to the cycle.

He knows everything about you. Your deepest secrets, Your biggest fears. He uses them to cripple you. Maybe thats why you stay. He has every tool to destroy you, and he will use them.

You don’t realize this but he isn’t going to destroy you in one shot, he will chip away at you little by little. He will break you slowly, bit by bit, over time.

You see, toxic people need others to validate their own self worth. They get high off of our pain. They can’t control their own miserable lives so they destroy ours.

I know how hard it is to leave a toxic relationship. I barley made it out. I know how it feels to have self doubt. I know the internal conflicts. You know he loves you deep down, you know that under all that evil the prince is still in there somewhere. I know that part of you doesn’t believe that you can make it without them because they have become the most important person in your life.

But I am here to tell you: You Can. 

You are strong. You are brave. You are brave enough to walk away and strong enough to ignore the phone calls and texts that will follow. You deserve better than the repeated build ups and break downs. That knot in the middle of your stomach will go away. The pain in your chest that feels like your heart is physically breaking will stop. By putting your foot down and saying enough is enough you are taking back control of your life. You are taking the first steps to getting YOU back.

I promise you, you will meet someone who is twice the man that he is. You will smile again and genuinely be happy. He WILL be the prince that every little girl dreams about. I can not wait for the day that I find mine.

“I remember the day I prayed for the things I have now.” I have peace and happiness. I have my strength back and I am brave. Most of all, I have the strength and courage to refuse any behaviors that don’t fall in line with what I want in a man.

You can too.


Dating In A “Hook Up” World…

We live in a society of revolving doors. Guys picking a new girl every time they change their underwear. What happened to courting someone? Going out on a few dates before hopping into bed with someone?  The worst part is that its not just men doing it to us, ladies we are doing it to ourselves.

We have lowered our standards immensely from the time that our parents dated.

We have gotten to a point where its okay to waste each others time. We date, get close with a person, then drop them as if they never existed.

We should want so much more than what we are settling for.

I want to get to talk and get to know you. Date nights and the awkward meeting of the families. I want to laugh with you and to earn trust. Most of all I want respect.

I want you to respect me enough to tell me what is going on. Be verbal with how you are feeling than actions to follow that. How are we supposed to know when a relationship is over when it never really started?

I know that I want an old fashioned kind of love. Where doors are opened, trust is earned, respect is given, and time is valued.

But now we have millions of people at our disposal every single day. Look at all the dating apps- if someone doesn’t look the way we like we just swipe left and then a millisecond later a new face appears on our phones. We judge everyone by their looks and not who they actually are.

We guard ourselves so much because of the fact that everyone views the other person as disposable. We never let our walls down. We don’t have real, deep, or meaningful conversations. I want to talk about your feelings, I want to know about your deepest darkest secrets and fears in life, your goals and where you see yourself in 10 years.

Instead we “talk” for a little while, a few months go by and then its the classic line of “I really like you a lot but I am not really interested in a relationship right now, but we can still hangout.” We refuse to put labels on our relationships. We hangout all the time, talk to each other every day, you can become intimate but no we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. God forbid anyone knows that either of us are off the market. We have to keep our options open incase someone better comes along. We might have to actually put someone else’s needs before our own? What a shocking concept.

What happened to opening doors, pulling out chairs, going on multiple dates, meeting families? Taking the actual steps of a relationship? Instead, we will go out to dinner, send these pictures of ourselves, hook up, and accept not being boyfriend and girlfriend. When did this lack of respect and fear of commitment become our new normal?