Dating In A “Hook Up” World…

We live in a society of revolving doors. Guys picking a new girl every time they change their underwear. What happened to courting someone? Going out on a few dates before hopping into bed with someone?  The worst part is that its not just men doing it to us, ladies we are doing it to ourselves.

We have lowered our standards immensely from the time that our parents dated.

We have gotten to a point where its okay to waste each others time. We date, get close with a person, then drop them as if they never existed.

We should want so much more than what we are settling for.

I want to get to talk and get to know you. Date nights and the awkward meeting of the families. I want to laugh with you and to earn trust. Most of all I want respect.

I want you to respect me enough to tell me what is going on. Be verbal with how you are feeling than actions to follow that. How are we supposed to know when a relationship is over when it never really started?

I know that I want an old fashioned kind of love. Where doors are opened, trust is earned, respect is given, and time is valued.

But now we have millions of people at our disposal every single day. Look at all the dating apps- if someone doesn’t look the way we like we just swipe left and then a millisecond later a new face appears on our phones. We judge everyone by their looks and not who they actually are.

We guard ourselves so much because of the fact that everyone views the other person as disposable. We never let our walls down. We don’t have real, deep, or meaningful conversations. I want to talk about your feelings, I want to know about your deepest darkest secrets and fears in life, your goals and where you see yourself in 10 years.

Instead we “talk” for a little while, a few months go by and then its the classic line of “I really like you a lot but I am not really interested in a relationship right now, but we can still hangout.” We refuse to put labels on our relationships. We hangout all the time, talk to each other every day, you can become intimate but no we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. God forbid anyone knows that either of us are off the market. We have to keep our options open incase someone better comes along. We might have to actually put someone else’s needs before our own? What a shocking concept.

What happened to opening doors, pulling out chairs, going on multiple dates, meeting families? Taking the actual steps of a relationship? Instead, we will go out to dinner, send these pictures of ourselves, hook up, and accept not being boyfriend and girlfriend. When did this lack of respect and fear of commitment become our new normal?

 

3 thoughts on “Dating In A “Hook Up” World…”

  1. “I know that I want an old fashioned kind of love. Where doors are opened, trust is earned, respect is given, and time is valued.” Beautifully written. As a guy, I have to make it a discipline to connect with who is actually in front of me first, not just with a photo on a dating app. I stopped using the apps I had a few months ago and have had better luck because I reintroduced the concept of meeting someone within a positive community and made Chivalry a new standard in my life. We may be dating in a “hook up” world but we most certainly don’t have to be of the “hook up” world. I am so thankful I had the pleasure of reading this. I would love to work with you on getting this message out there for people that are extremely lost in this “hook up” world. Feel free to make yourself at home at my blog and send me an e-mail if you are interested in collaboration if you like what you see. lifeimprovblog@gmail.com. Look forward to working with you!

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  2. Absolutely awesome! This has always been something that I have always struggled with in college! Always being friend zoned because I didn’t want to get into bed with them within the first-fifth date. Always scaring them away because I explain to them that I get into a relationship and date them to see if I could potentially spend the rest of my life with them. It’s unfortunate how conformity has put a gash and perception on our modern generation. I will always stick to my morals of never taking advantage of a woman but treating them with the upmost respect. No matter how hard the temptation is, I will never break it.

    Going further into the actual dating. I’ve been doing my research and study on interpersonal communication with romantic relationships and adopted a theory. You should definitely look into the “five love languages” and next time you date someone, explain to them these love languages and try to cater their language to show affection. My girlfriend and I have tried it and it’s the best and most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in! Thanks for this awesome post Alyssa!

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