Rebuilding Yourself

Just because a man took your power away and completely destroyed you at one time, does not mean you cant rebuild yourself now. You don’t have to give up on yourself.

He took you for granted. He didn’t notice when you bought a new dress just for him. You wasted money. He didn’t tell you how great your new hair cut looked. He liked it longer and curled. When you put a little extra effort into getting ready for date night to look good for him. You were trying to get attention from other guys. 

He was never wrong. All the times he cheated. All the nights he stayed out drinking. Those were all your fault. The minute you stand up to him, he hits you. He lets you know and shows you that you are below him. You are nothing.

Every time he hits you, you know he is wrong, yet you can’t do anything about it.  Your phone is so close, you can reach it. Call the police. Call for help. But you can’t move. You sit there and take it. You take every blow waiting until the screaming stops.

You get in the shower to wash off the blood, the shame, the fear. But it never leaves. No amount of scrubbing can take care of the filth you feel. You look at yourself and you don’t even know who you are anymore.

You stay awake all night running through everything that happened in your head. Every single detail. How could you have made it different? Why didn’t you fight back? Why didn’t you just walk out? Why did you let someone take away your strength? 

You don’t ever want to be that girl. The girl who people look at and pity. The girl who will always question a piece of herself. You loved the man that destroyed you, what does that tell you about your taste in men? I never wanted to be her, but I was.

We all look at therapy as a weakness. Only crazy people go to therapy. You are weak if you go. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You are forced to face who you are fully and completely. Rebuild your strengths and crush your fears. You find out more than ever who you truly are. Choosing to go to therapy isn’t something weak people do, it takes strength to stand up and say you need help.

You are a gift. A gift to your family, a gift to your friends, and a treasure to whoever you end up with. It took me completely losing who I was to figure out who I needed to be.

You can hear how important you are, how beautiful you are, and how special you are from a million different people. But until you actually look yourself in the mirror and see all those things, you will never feel important, beautiful, or special. You will never know how strong you are until you fix the weak parts of you. Sometimes you need to absolutely hit rock bottom to climb your way back to the top.

It is their fault. Every single time they hit you, screamed at you, took the steps to destroy you. It was all them. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are worth it.

There will always be mountains you have to climb. Curve balls. Bumps in the road. But you will be okay, I promise. You will learn so much about yourself.  It is never too late to see the potential and passions that you possess.

It is never too late to love yourself. It is never too late to rebuild yourself.