Dating an Abusive Man.

I know I said I would be sharing the answers from my family this week, and I know this blog post is late. The truth is my family is still so hurt and affected by the abuse that it is hard for them to relive it. They need some more time so HOPEFULLY I will have their answers next week for you guys.

All of this has made me realize a few things, some I knew already and some I didn’t. I already knew how much this monster hurt and ruined the old me. I knew how I lived in fear everyday, how I walked on egg shells, and how I was always afraid for the next blow up. I didn’t realize how much what I went through hurt my friends, more so because I didn’t tell them.

When you are dating an abusive man you are manipulated to believe that every abusive incident is because of something you did. I am sorry I lied to all of you. I am sorry that I didn’t reach out and ask for help. I was in denial of my own life. I would walk into work and put a smile on. I would see my friends(when I was able to) and I would say everything was fine, they had no idea that the night before there was a huge blow up.

When you are dating an abusive man you are constantly told how ugly and worthless you are. You’re groomed into believing that you are a horrible person. You start to believe that even if you did come forward, nobody would believe you, or that you would never have the chance to get help-he would kill you first. I can’t even begin to explain the brainwashing that goes on.  R made me into a different person. I probably will never go back to the girl I was before, which I am almost thankful for. I will never be a victim again, I will never be controlled again, and I will never lose myself again. I look back at pictures of me when I was with him and you can just see that there is no light behind my eyes. I was dead inside.

When you are dating an abusive man you are dating a coward. You don’t realize this because they gain control of you by taking away your self worth, self confidence, and self respect. I would never have been with someone who loved a bottle more than he loved me. I was abused multiple times over throwing out alcohol or getting caught pouring it out. I wouldn’t have ever stayed with someone who called me the horrible names he did. Someone who threatened my life, threatened my unborn child’s life, and someone who physically abused me on a regular basis. He felt like such a coward that he  had to ruin me to make him feel better.

When you are dating an abusive man you question everyone around you. I don’t trust very many people now. I don’t believe the words people tell me, only actions. I don’t put up with any crap from anyone, which is good and bad. Good because I know that I will never be hurt again. Bad because it can get exhausting, being so skeptical of every person that comes into your life. If you cross me once you wont get a second chance to. I look for red flags in any man I date. Any signs of addictive behaviors, I look at how they act when they are frustrated, how they treat others around them, how they treat their family.

However, dating an abusive man made me stronger. It made my family closer than ever. I lost a lot of friends, but realized who my true friends were. I have been in counseling for over 2 years, forced to relive the abuse I endured in order to overcome it. I had to build myself back up. I am getting me back. My smile, my happiness, my strength. Of course I am still afraid to go to certain restaurants and places in town, but every time I conquer those fears I feel empowered.

Because of that abusive man I realized what my reason for living is. I have a mission to change the stigma of who domestic violence victims are, change the laws and protocols there are on domestic violence, and a mission to change lives.

 

 

4 thoughts on “Dating an Abusive Man.”

  1. My ex began abusing me when I was pregnant and found out he was texting a girl in febraury of /915, only 6 months into our relationship. Anouar el Allati said he loved me and and wanted to keep the baby and I found this online number in his phone and confronted him He lost it, broke my phone, and strangled me over the kitchen table. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I called the police and this became the beginning of a year and a half of emotional and physical abuse, constant mind games, tracking my location on my phone, isolating me from friends, putting me down, lying, stealing and gambling, hiding money in separate accounts so he didn’t pay his share of the rent. I paid for our vacation to Mykonos and he had slapped me so are when he was drunk, that he broke my eardrum. There have been so many girls in his phone and he comes back and promises it was this or that.
    I got pregnant again after terminating because of issues, and I caught him texting his ex who works at the airport he works at. Anouar el alllati is the ultimate con man. I then lost the second pregnancy and he blamed me and said I should be over it by now. We had a break for a couple of weeks in January and he came back into our home, to live and go to therapy and better our relationship. Anouar promised me and cried to me that it would be different. We went on a spa getaway and came home and after we were done making love and he was showering, his phone went off and I saw a text from a giirl he had asked for her number from his job at Menzies aviation at Amsterdam achipkl airpotrt. I was devastated but locked myself on my patio and yelled at him to leave. He refused. I went inside our home and yelled at him about it and he slapped me so hard on the face twice that my earrings flew off. I screamed for him to leave and for help. He then started punching me with a closed fist. I told him he was a son of a bitch and he went harder. I have bruises and cuts and scrapes all over my head and body. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL BE ABUSED BY ANOUAR EL ALLATI. I hope my lawyer and police reports will get me the justice I deserve.

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    1. Thank you for your support! I just found all of his secret Facebook, Instagram, and email accounts where he had pay-for sex accounts, and was chasing around women from his past. He lost his mind when I found out and hit me, strangled me, and told me AGAIN he would kill me. I was trying to trust him after all that we had been through. He was using aliases of Anouar Mota, and a.r___________ on Instagram. He admitted he lies pathologically, and I hung on so long to someone who is just sick, that I started to feel crazy. We need to remind ourselves to stay away from the Anouar Mota, Anouar el Allati, types of the world. They will suck you dry and leave your life in shambles if you let them. We must be strong.

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  2. Anouar Allati is sick, a pathological liar, uses prostitutes, steals money from people, gaslights. The list doesn’t end. I am moving back to the US for awhile from my dream home in Europe to get some clarity and stay away from him. This cycle of domestic abuse will never end if I allow it to continue.

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