Domestic Violence effects more than just the survivor cont…

As I had spoke about last week, domestic violence effects way more than just the victim/survivor. It effects anyone who cares about them. They have to see you hurt, suffer, and continue to go back to the abuse.

I asked two of my other best friends to answer the same questions(listed below) and I am going to share their answers!! MM and DM.

1. How did my experience effect how you approach relationships? If at all?
2. Did you have any idea I was being abused?
3. If you had any idea, what signs of abuse did I show?
4. What would you tell the old me?
5. Has my experience changed your life? Good or bad?
6. What would you tell a family member/friend of a person currently being abused?
7. If you could say anything to my abuser what would you say?

MM

1. How did my experience effect how you approach relationships? If at all?

   MM: “It has made me think and understand if that ever is a situation I get into that there is help and was to get out before it is too late.”

1. Did you have any idea I was being abused?

   MM:” I had no idea and that is the most heartbreaking part for me. You are one of my best friends, I should have known something wasn’t right.”

2. If you had any idea, what signs of abuse did I show?

   MM:”Again, to me that is the most heartbreaking  because I didn’t see any signs. It’s one of the hardest things to grasp because I saw you everyday at work and didn’t think your sickness day after day was caused by the person you went home to every night.”

3. What would you tell the old me?

   MM:”If I would have known what I know now I would have never dropped you off with him everyday after work. I would have done everything in my power to let you know you can get out.”

4. Has my experience changed your life? Good or bad?

   MM:”The biggest way that your experience changed my life is that you are still with us today. I don’t know what I would have done if you or your sweet boy were taken from us because of this monster, but you were stronger and you are still here blessing this world every day.”

5. What would you tell a family member/friend of someone who is currently being abused?

   MM:”Sadly, this isn’t the only time I have been faced with a friend in an abusive relationship and I know nothing will sink in until that person is ready for it to. If anything were to tap pen to these loved ones I would want to know I tried everything I could to let them know there is a way out before it is too late.”

6. If you could say anything to my abuser, what would you say?

   MM: “To be honest I hope I never see you again in my life and ever if I do, I don’t know if there would be many words, if you know what I mean. Honestly, I don’t think anything I would say would do anything and thats why I would rather have it all speak for itself. You lost…You lost the best thing that could have ver happened to you for what? Look at her now, she was stronger than you, she fought for her life and has gained more than you will ever see in this lifetime.”

DM

1. How did my my experience effect how you approach relationships? If at all?

   DM:”I always pay attention to how someone talks to me, how they talk to others. How they speak to me if they are upset. I want to know about their background a little bit. Really get to know someone and not fall for bullshit.”

2. Did you have any idea I was being abused?

   DM:”No and it seriously breaks my heart. I can’t believe that for two years she went through this and I had NO idea. I warned her before they started dating of his past and when they did have fights I just tried to be here for her and let her vent. I remember the day Momma D called me and told me what was going on. I lived in sacramento at the time and asked her if I should come to the hospital and she told me no. I need to try to talk to Alyssa and help her realize what a monster R is. She was in complete denial. I remember asking her what she thought was going on and Alyssa just being devastated that she couldn’t talk to R. We texted and she finally opened up and let me know what was going on. And the only thing I could do was be there for her and pray she didn’t go back.”

3. If you had any idea, what signs of abuse did I show?

   DM: “I really had NO idea.”

4. What would you tell me old me?

   DM:”Honestly, Ive always known you to never put up with shit so I am surprised you did. But I am shocked that you never spoke up because we tell each other everything, good and bad.”

5. Has my experience changed your life? Good or bad?

   DM:”It has had a huge impact on my outlook with relationships. You made me realize what I was going through and that I was in a verbal/emotionally abusive relationship. That a man should never scream or talk at me, or talk down on me because he is mad. But also vice versa. It goes both ways. I realized I was in a toxic relationship, everyone told me for months but it took me realizing it my self to see it and take initiative to end it and remove all negativity from my life. Since then I know what I deserve and what I will stand for and what I want in a man. People should never curse at each other and should always treat each other with respect, once you lose that boundary your relationship means nothing.”

6. What would you tell a family member/friend of a person currently being abused?

   DM: “I would be here for them and help them in any way I could. You can’t just tell someone to leave a person…you push that person away and it leaves open doors for them to go back to their abuser because you were too hard on them.”

7. If you could say anything to my abuser, what would you say?

   DM:”You know…he reached out to me a few months ago and I flat out told him I had nothing to say to him. He knows what he did was wrong and he has to live with it for the rest of his life. He can say anything but I know who he is and what he did to my best friend. I have seen how much it has effected her. She had also grown so much and is so strong to be telling her story in order to change the world. R you suck, you ignited Alyssa’s fire…she is going to do great things.”

Next week will be my families answers, it should be a really great one to read!!