Domestic violence effects more than just the survivor…

I can tell you for a fact that I have the most amazing support system. My family is extremely encouraging, uplifting, and understanding of my experience with domestic violence, but that doesn’t mean it was always that way. After getting out of the abusive relationship with R I was still so broken and weak. I wanted to go back to him. I wanted my relationship to work. I wanted a father for my son. I was not in the right mind, emotional state, or mentally strong enough to make any decisions. I became extremely angry, confrontational, and at first I was definitely in denial that I was even abused. I thought that if I just kept pushing those horrible memories and feelings down that they would eventually just go away.

Domestic Violence didn’t just effect me. It hurt my family and friends. Very often you hear of these amazing stories of the survivors, but you don’t ever hear how the people around  the domestic violence survivors were effected. I couldn’t imagine what I put my family and friends through. The constant worry, pushing them away, the fake smiles and stories I gave them. I will always be changed because of what happened to me. I didn’t walk out in the driveway alone for over 2 years, I still sleep with my lights on, I still have major fears and anxiety. I won’t go to certain parts of town. I am always looking over my shoulder. All of these things effect my support system as well. They all almost lost a daughter, sister, and best friend because of domestic violence. They all had to see me unresponsive, getting blood transfusions, after multiple surgeries. They had to be told that I may not survive. They saw me at the weakest point I have ever been in my life. They are victims in this mess also.  I had my closure the minute that R’s parental rights were taken away. I think my loved ones are more than deserving of a chance to get their own closure with what happened not only to me, but to THEM. That is what I am going to be sharing with you guys for the next few weeks. I asked my family and 3 of my best friends to answer 7 questions.

1. How did my experience effect how you approach relationships? If at all?
2. Did you have any idea I was being abused?
3. If you had any idea, what signs of abuse did I show?
4. What would you tell the old me?
5. Has my experience changed your life? Good or bad?
6. What would you tell a family member/friend of a person currently being abused?
7. If you could say anything to my abuser what would you say?

Tonight I will be sharing my friend KM’s response.

1. How did my experience effect how you approach relationships? If at all?

   KM: “I think that it makes me look at how I escalate fights in my own relationships and it makes me want better. I am more aware of unhealthy relationships and how to deal with them.”

2. Did you have any idea I was being abused?

   KM: “I didn’t know how far it has went but I knew he lied a lot and drank way too much. “

3. If you had any idea, what signs of abuse did I show?

   KM: “You definitely made a lot of excuses as to why he wasn’t helping you more financially/emotionally and all of a sudden you were never available to hangout.”

4. What would you tell the old me?

   KM: “You deserve better, I would have done anything to help you leave sooner. “

5. Has my experience changed your life? Good or bad?

   KM: “Well it brought Beau into all of our lives and he’s such a happy kid! I can’t imagine life without him.”

6. What would you tell a family member/friend of a person currently being abused?

   KM: “Leave, get out. It can’t be worse than what you are going through. Then I’d give them your number as a tool to help them get through it.”

7. If you could say anything to my abuser what would you say?

   KM: “F**k you, you could have had it all. I hope it was worth it.”

Next week I will be sharing another friend’s answers!! Please if anyone you know is going through any abuse urge them to get help or at the very least talk to someone about it. I was extremely good at putting on the happy face and covering up the bruises. You NEVER know who is being abused. If you are being abused you can contact me on here or on my website http://www.lovedoesnthurt.org and it emails me directly! I will ALWAYS answer and be there to talk to you. You are never alone.