I hope everyone had a great Christmas with their families, I definitely did.
This particular blog post may offend some dudes, I really don’t care. Put your big boy pants on and get ready for some reality.
I decided that this week I would write about dating as a single mother. Since it has been the holiday season I am sure every single single person has been asked the inevitable, uncomfortable, and frankly annoying questions-Are you dating anyone? When are you going to settle down?
Being a single mother is the hardest job I have ever had, being a single mother who has been through the traumatic experience I have makes things even harder. But I want what every person wants; Love.
Dating as single mother is completely different than dating before you had a little one. Besides the obvious factor of the child, the qualities you look for in a man have totally changed. Is this man going to be a positive influence in my child’s life? Would I eventually trust him around my child? Will he love my child as his own? Can he protect my child? With my dating history being as shitty as it is I right off the bat ask 3 questions. 1) ever been arrested? 2) are you employed? and 3) have you had/have any addictions? These may be heavy questions to ask someone but I want to know every skeleton in your closet before I become invested in this situation and DEFINITELY before I involve my child in it. I was getting ready for the last date, stressing over what to wear I had my sister helping me. She had a friend with her and I jokingly said “basically at this point I’m going to dinner and interviewing these guys.” It hit me that I really am. I am interviewing these men to see if they can fit in my life. My situation is different than the usual shared custody parenting plan, my son doesn’t have the “father” as you would in the typical upbringing. So I am seeing if these guys have the qualifications to fit the job. Which brings me to my next topic-
Guys- If a woman is giving up her time to be with you RESPECT IT. We spend hours stressing over what outfit to wear, how to do our hair/makeup, getting a new outfit, finding childcare, and the most expensive thing we are giving up -TIME. We are giving up time with our child to go out with you. Now for me personally, I want to text/talk on the phone for a little while before I even agree to go out on a date with you. So if you have passed that HUGE step with me then that means I actually see potential in you, don’t take advantage of it. Be a gentleman. Open the car door, open the restaurant door, pay attention to us-not the game, smile. Most importantly PLEASE have a damn conversation, believe me when I say ANYTHING will be more interesting to talk about than the one we have with our 3 year old about Paw patrol and Minions all the time. Those little things will go a long way with us. Don’t be a player, if you are 27+ and are still interested in playing games, you probably shouldn’t be dating a single mother.
Look guys, all we really want is to feel respected and appreciated. Ladies, we will all find “the one” someday, but until then we are out here in this dating war together 🙂