A letter to my family…

I was going to write about the next step in my journey but then I realized I keep talking about my mom, sisters, father, and of course my son, and tell you how important they were through all of this. But I’ve never actually shown you them, and honestly I don’t think I have told them enough how thankful I am for them. 15350688_10211373695649267_452374813489797899_n

G- I know we have had our differences throughout the years, but I am so proud of the woman you are becoming. You are hard working, strong willed, and honest. You are smarter than you believe, and will go far in whatever career path you choose. You don’t care what anyone thinks and I am definitely jealous of that quality. I am sorry you had to see me almost die and go through that experience. You are the one I turn to for any fashion advice before I go out on dates (I would definitely look like a hot mess if it wasn’t for you). Thank you for painting my nails in the hospital, at least one part of me looked okay! haha Beau can be a huge handful, but you are learning to deal with a toddler who is more strong willed than you, and excelling at being an aunt. I love you very  much!

S-I can’t thank you enough for taking the time off of school when I had Beau. I would not have been able to function without you helping me. When I was too weak to blow dry my hair you did it for me. You are very smart, ambitious, and driven. You are great with Beau, even if you give him sweets when he shouldn’t have them. I am sorry you had to be called to my house to see me bleeding everywhere, and for all the times you came and saw R in those crazy mental states he would be in. But I am happy at the same time, because you and G know the exact kinds of guys to NOT date. I love you very much!

Mom and Dad- I don’t even know where to start, I know me getting pregnant was not part of the ideal plan you have for a daughters life. I also know that you never dream of having a daughter almost die due to domestic violence. As a parent, I now see why you guys raised me the way you did. You did everything you guys could to give us an amazing life. My sisters and I are so very blessed to have parents like you guys. You love each other so much. We are very strong girls, we(I now) take no shit from anyone, and we love hard. You have taught us that family, loyalty, love and your word are the most important things in life. I am sorry for all the times I have let you down, but I promise to make all the heartache, sleepless nights, and money worth it. I am going to change the world and open eyes that refuse to see the truth about domestic violence. I couldn’t do any of that without you two in my corner. Dad, you are the most hard working man I know and the best example of what a man and father should be. Mom, you are the most loyal and loving person anyone has ever met, and the best mother anyone could dream of. Beau love the two of you so much! Screw the people who are jealous of what you two have. Haters are a sign that you are succeeding in life. I love you both and damn proud to call you my parents!

Beau- You can’t read this yet but one day you will. I love you so much little bear. You saved my life. You gave me a reason to defy the odds and survive. God had a plan for you too, being born at 31 weeks without any major complications is a major win in anyones book. You are SO smart, handsome, and loving. I promise to give you every opportunity this life has to offer and be the best damn mommy and daddy I can be to you. I will never let another monster come near you or ever let that certain one get the chance to know the amazing boy you are. I can not wait to see how you grow and become a little man, mommy loves you forever and always for you are my dear one.

See the thing is, not all domestic violence survivors have the amazing family I do. I had a place to go home to. Somewhere safe that I knew R couldn’t get to me without going through 4 other people first. I had an education to fall back on.  My plan for A Survivor’s Mission is to give these victims a chance to never be another mans property again. I want to change the laws we have in CA for restraining orders. I want to sponsor some of these girls through school, give them their independence back, at the very least put them through counseling. I can not explain to you what it is like to have someone take control of who you are as a person. You feel stupid, worthless, controlled, and terrified. You can’t become a strong person again without learning how to overcome that psychological hold these abusers have over us. I won’t stop until the view of what a “victim” is. My abuser gets to be free because I didn’t have the guts to stand up and ask for help, if you are reading this I will listen, you are not alone! You can contact me through this blog, or through my non profit website- http://www.lovedoesnthurt.org that emails me directly.

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