The Abuse Log.

This weeks blog post is a little risky. I have debated about sharing this information since I started this blog, but it is a huge part of my story and you all deserve to know. My mom kept a log of every time I called her crying, every time I reached out for her to come help with this monster, but in reality these were the times that she KNEW about. There are 18 events on this 10 page typed up log, but to save peoples time I will only share some of them and try and organize them by month. It was given to the sheriff when he came to see my bruises and take a police report. The sad part was that these events weren’t even the big ones, besides the day I gave birth of course. This is the reality of domestic violence, you keep secrets, you keep the abuse to yourself because you are so embarrassed and ashamed. It is a long read but please read until the very end. These are directly from my moms writing:

June 2012- Shortly after moving in together Alyssa finds out that R has cheated on her. She is devastated and believes him when he said he was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. 6/23/12 Alyssa goes to bart with R and his friends. R’s friend calls me Alyssa was hysterically crying because she had been maced by 2 girls on BART. R was drunk and started a fight with the girls, they retaliated by going after Alyssa. She was temporarily blinded.

July-Sep 2012- Alyssa still calls me 2-3x a week crying to please come and help her try and talk to R because he is drunk again. He has tried to get more alcohol or caused a huge fight, physically pushed her, punched a hole in the wall, verbally assaulted her, or broken something in rage.

August 2012-Alyssa and R go to SF for the day. Again an issue with R and alcohol. In a rage R has broken the key fab that opens and locks her Mustang.

Dec 2012-The same phone calls continue, to the point where I am afraid to go to sleep at night. In his rages he says horrible things to Alyssa. Says he hates her, she makes him drink, he would chose alcohol over her. 12/7/12-12/8/12- Alyssa calls me hysterically crying again. R has slammed her head into the ground and held her down. He is going crazy and wants to kill himself. She said he has held a knife to his neck and that he has cuts on his wrists from the knife. I told her to call 911 but she is afraid he will get in trouble. He is twitching and looks crazy. He is still drinking it is 3am. One minute he is saying he loves Alyssa the next he is saying he hates her and hopes she dies. I called R’s dad no answer. I tried to call VA hospitals and the hotlines, closed. Next afternoon to VA in palo alto. The person asks him some questions, one stands out in my mind. They asked if he ever thought about homicide, he says yes. His BAC was tested, still over legal limit. He looses it and gets really angry. The doctors and nurses are in fear for their safety and have a security guard watching.

1/7/13- Michael and I go to palm desert for the weekend. Alyssa and R were staying at my house to help with her sisters. They are fighting all the time. R decides he is going to go out drinking and he stays out close to 3am. Sets off our house alarm. The fighting continues, a neighbor sees it in the street and is really conceded for Alyssa’s well being and doesn’t think Alyssa is safe in the relationship she is in. R also lost his job.

June-July 2013-Alyssa finds out she is pregnant and is really sick. R’s behavior of getting drunk and going out continues. Alyssa has been vomiting for a few days, fever, severe headache, she just doesn’t feel right. I pick her up and take her to the hospital. She is severely dehydrated and needed potassium. Her potassium is low enough that she could have had a heart attack. They would like to admit her but Alyssa wants to leave. I am sure she is afraid R will go out and party all night. 7/8/13 R is out partying all night. Calling bars, friends, girls, limo services, bart, and hotels. R doesn’t come home.

August 2013- We go to Pebble Beach with friends for the weekend. Alyssa calls me hysterically crying 8/3/13. R has again gone out on a drinking binge and said hurtful things. He hates her, hates the baby, he doesn’t want to be a dad, hopes the baby dies, hopes she dies. Alyssa is devastated by his behavior.

September 2013- R started a construction college and came home for the weekend. He is drunk again. Alyssa calls me. She has locked herself in the bathroom. She is scared. She is hiding in the bathroom to keep him away from her. She says she has never seen him like this. I can hear him screaming and pounding on the door. He is telling her he hates her, hates the baby, hopes the baby is born retarded and that it dies, he hates Alyssa and hopes she dies too.

We talk to Alyssa tell her its time to move on. We told her we would look for a place on the golf course for her and we would help her.

Oct-Dec 2013-I know there are issues between them, I can see it by looking at the phone bill. R hasn’t changed. The only thing that has changed is Alyssa has distanced herself from us. Even though we live right by her we barely see her.

Dec 2013- Looking through text messages now (Jan 2014) I can see R is staying out all night, buying and selling drugs, calling other girls. R is also taking Alyssa’s car without asking. We see Alyssa for thanksgiving and Christmas. She looks very unhappy and sad. She has only gained 10lbs during her pregnancy. On Christmas Eve R complains of a headache, I go to their home to check on him. He begs me to call 911, paramedics repeatedly ask him if he has taken anything R insists he hasn’t. I invite Alyssa and R over for New Years, she says she is too tired.

Jan 2014- Alyssa leaves work early on 1/2/14. She says she is vomiting, feeling chilled, and just not right. I check in on her over the weekend, she says no R is taking care of her. She texts me then calls me the morning of 1/6/14- She said she is bleeding vaginally and she isn’t sure what is going on. I tell her to call her doctor, he tells her to go to Labor and Delivery. When I get to Alyssa’s she looks horrible. I can tell she is in pain and hurts to move. She has no coloring and has dark circles under her eyes. There is A LOT of blood in both toilets. I told her I need to call 911 and cannot drive her. I see texts from R telling Alyssa she is fine and nothing is wrong with her. Fire and paramedics arrive. The paramedic tries 5 times to get an IV in Alyssa but she is too dehydrated and she is extremely swollen. They check Alyssa’s blood sugar and it was 37, they tell me to give her some orange juice. Alyssa is transported to Sutter in labor and bleeding. Her due date is February 20, 2014. On January 6,2014 Alyssa goes into the OR for an emergency C section due to a placental abruption. At 3pm she has a baby boy weighing 4lbs 2.3oz. 17 inches long. Alyssa goes back to her room. R is there briefly and leaves with his father at 5:30pm, saying he would be back shortly. When he wasn’t back by 8 my husband texted R as well as my daughter Samantha. R finally arrives back at the hospital around 9:40pm. He is clearly agitated and hostile. I ask him if he has had dinner yet, He snaps back at me “No! I haven’t. Everyone has been fucking calling or texting me and won’t leave me alone!” I explained that Alyssa was asking for him. Alyssa is vomiting blood. I was helping the nurse take care of her. The nurse asked R if he knew Alyssa was vomiting blood at home. He said yes for a couple days. The nurse asks why he didn’t take her to get help. He was getting more agitated by the nurses questions. He started getting nasty with the nurse. Samantha told him to calm down and not cause a scene. He shoots up and backs her into Samantha into a corner, calling her “a little fucking bitch”. The nurse came rushing in and asked if there was a problem, Samantha said yes! Him. He grabbed his stuff and left. Hospital security was notified they looked for R but he had left. The staff informed us that they suspected Alyssa was a victim of domestic violence. They told us that they had documented bruising on her, arm, hips, and thighs. They asked Alyssa but she denied any issues. They said to protect Alyssa R would be banned from the hospital. They changed Alyssa and Beau’s ID bands. I was given the father band. Alyssa and the baby were taken off the hospital census. They moved her room two more times for her safety. R texted Alyssa around 12am on 1/7/14 saying “SORRY” 5o minutes later he texted her “U R SOL NOW”. The staff informed me that they suspected a traumatic injury caused Alyssa’s placental abruption and social services were notified.

Alyssa suddenly took a turn for the worse. She had pancreatitis, elevated liver enzymes, elevated WBC, tachycardia, a fever. She was extremely swollen and in a lot of pain. Needed oxygen. Alyssa continued to get worse they contacted her doctors at CPMC and they had a bed for her and wanted her transferred to them. Alyssa required 2 units of blood before she could be moved. Arriving at CPMC on 1/8/14 the nurses kept having to run her sternum and pinch her chest to get any response from her.

1/9/14-Medical tests were ordered for Alyssa. An endoscopy with ultrasound was ordered to look at her esophagus for bleeding.The dr said he has never see burns like hers, I said she had vomited her entire pregnancy, He compared it to chemical burns and asked if anyone had given her anything to poison her. A chest x ray was ordered, Alyssa had a pleural effusion. CT scan ordered Alyssa had fluid around her spleen and kidney, a hematoma, cysts or abscesses on her left kidney, retained placenta, swelling in her intestines, Alyssa was still out of it. They were giving her antibiotics, magnesium, and potassium through her IV, and Oxygen.

1/10/14- Alyssa had another CT with an aspiration to drain the hematoma on her left kidney. Alyssa continued to need antibiotics, round the clock blood draws every 4 hours. She was “waking” up today. She started to remember she had a baby and that she was in a different hospital.

1/13/14- Alyssa was medically stable enough for a D&C to remove the retained placenta. When the nurses saw her they couldnt believe she was alive, the doctors said they had a doomsday prediction for her and didn’t think she was going to survive. She went in of the D&C and hemorrhaged during surgery. The doctors had to pack her to stop the bleeding, She needed 2 more units of blood.

1/15/14- Alyssa was discharged from the hospital, first thing she wanted to do was go and see and hold her baby. She had no memory of holding him before she was transported.

1/17/14- Back in ER again for severe bleeding.

1/23-1/24/14 Back in ER again because of her abdomen being distended, severe abdominal pain, left sided back pain, light headedness and just not feeling right.

Two things stand out in my mind throughout this whole ordeal.

  1. I asked Alyssa when was the last time she had sex, She said a couple of days before Beau was born. She also complained her her thighs hurting and vaginal pain when she first got to the hospital. When I asked her again about sex she said things were blurry, she didn’t know the last time she had has sex. How could she have consented to having sex with being as sick as she was?

  2. While she was in the hospital and out of it on 1/8/14 and 1/9/14 she was waving her arms around and pushing me away. Yelling “STOP R! STOP PUSHING ME! R STOP!! I explained to Alyssa that I was not R and was not hurting her. I let her know she was safe. Once she was awake she was afraid of being left alone.

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