Silence and Shame

I debated on bringing this event up because I didn’t want to give this woman any more attention then she was already getting, but something has to be said. This blog automatically posts to my Facebook on a public setting so anyone who is suffering is able to read in hopes of helping. Another Facebook user commented on my blog post with laughing faces, then saying domestic violence is funny “when it happens to a cu*nt like me.” I did not know this girl, she wasn’t my friend on Facebook. I automatically had this wave of shame and anger come over me. I didn’t share my story publicly for almost 2 years out of fear and embarrassment. My closest friends had no idea of what I was going through, I would go to work, see patients, smile, laugh, none of my coworkers noticed anything. I can’t explain to you the feeling of having to hide this whole other part of your life out of shame and embarrassment. Its like walking around with a 50 ton boulder on your chest. You basically live a double life. Having to take extra time in the morning to cover up bruises or bags under my eyes from being up all night crying. The stress of having to keep my secret. Nobody thinks that they will be a victim. My family didn’t even know what I was going through. I could get into a huge blow out fight minutes before going to their house, but still walk in, swallow my tears, and smile. I did not want to let them down. NO parent wants their child to be a vicim of domestic violence.

I was completely embarrassed. I come from a very strong and tight knit family. We are honest and open with each other. My parents have been married for almost 28 years(I think), my dad has an amazing job, I was never exposed to violence or any major upsets in my childhood. I grew up with tons of friends, I never had to go without, I was always strong physically and emotionally. I wasn’t what you picture a “victim” to be. Maybe that is why it was so hard for anyone to believe, and for me to actually comprehend. It wasn’t until I started counseling 6 months after Beau was born that I actually realized the gravity of what I had been through. That is the exact reason why I started A Survivor’s Mission and blogging with Alyssa’s Story.

I had everything to come back to. I have an amazing support system, counseling, the best doctors to take care of me after I had Beau. I had a career to fall back on. I have became what I hope every victim can be-a survivor. I hope to one day provide counseling to survivors, sponsor them through school, give them a shot at independence. Its people like that girl who commented on my blog post that keep us silent. She fed into my shame 3 years later. If she could do that to me after 2 years of therapy, imagine what others feel. If you are suffering from any form of domestic abuse it is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve it. Coming forward and asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you strong. Don’t let people like that girl keep you quiet. Break your silence. Help is out there. I am always here.

 

 

 

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