#2-Realization

After I was discharged from the hospital, Beaus sperm donor, lets call him “R”, kept asking me to see Beau. I would respond with asking him to prove sobriety over an extended period of time. Beau was born premature and was having difficulty swallowing at times. R would try to sweet talk me calling me princess, telling me my parents were wrong in what they are doing and are trying to control me, and sadly still being trapped in that cycle I believed him. THANK GOD my parents were tough on me and my sisters were there supporting me in keeping strong, I honestly would probably be dead if it wasn’t for the 4 of them.

When I went to my first post op after my c section my doctor talked about my abuse, I still was not ready to face it. I was afraid to be “that girl”. I had been struggling with coming to terms with the abuse and taking the steps to getting a restraining order, I was still afraid to upset R, I was afraid of him coming to my parents house and causing a scene, I was afraid the police wouldn’t believe me. When you are with an abusive person they brainwash you to believe that everything is your fault, that you DESERVE what is happening to you, and that nobody will believe you if you do gain the strength to tell the truth. Thankfully my doctor told me based on the evidence, and my bruising that he already notified the police and legally he had to start a police report.

I was terrified, I don’t think I have ever been more torn in my life. I pulled onto my parents street and sure enough there was a sheriff waiting for me. Now I am totally pro police, I think they do AMAZING work, but the way this sheriff spoke to me was not okay. He made me show him my bruises which by this point were mostly gone, he went through my phone and read some text messages. He made me feel like I was lying, now looking back I can understand a lot of victims go back to their abusers, and he may have been used to that kind of situation. He asked me what I wanted to do. I said press charges, I signed a medical records release form so that he could give the records to the DA. He went to R’s home he denied everything. His response when asked about the bruises and if he had caused them was, and I quote ” Not me boss”. I am not sure where the ball was dropped but the sheriff never got my records from the hospital.

R’s father (Beaus grandpa) asked to come see Beau. Reluctantly I said yes. I couldn’t blame this man for what his son had done. My mother was not on board with this decision, but sure enough he came. He held my 5lb little baby for a total of maybe 10 minutes and then asked me to escort him to our front door. I held Beau and walked him out, on the way out he kept telling me about how good a dad R wants to be, I responded saying when he is sober he will be, but until then its not safe for Beau. He said well I have to give you this. He handed me an orange folder that had  packet of information inside, I have never been to court in my life so I was not aware of what was happening. R had his father served me, for custody of my son. He had wrote this letter about how he is a veteran, he is in parenting classes, in AA all this stuff that was about 70% false.

I went from feeling guilty about keeping Beau from him to pissed and protective. This man was trying to paint me out to be a bad person, which I was not going to have happen. And just like that in a 10 minute visit I went from being a victim to becoming a survivor. I was not going to take this lying down. Then the next battle began….

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