This morning while we were laying in bed watching cartoons you said “I don’t have a dad.”
“WHAT?” I replied.
I was caught completely off guard I didn’t know exactly what to say. My heart shattered into a million pieces. For the first time you actually realized that piece you are missing and I think for the first time I realized that this feeling you have of being different is something that I can not fix.
I have been so careful to shield you from this reality. I made sure that nobody ever talked about the situation in front of you. I would change names in books to mommy instead of daddy. But right now, whether I was ready to or not I have to try and explain to you that this is okay- its okay to not have a dad.
“I don’t have a daddy. I only have a mommy. My friends at school have dads. Why don’t I?” You looked down completely heartbroken and confused.
“You’re right and it is okay to be sad. You don’t have a Dad, but you do have me and I love you to the moon and stars and back. You have a MiMi, Papi, KiKi, and a GiGi. They love you so much! Nobody at school has any of them, they are only yours.” I answered trying to make you feel better and special as you are.
I have tried my hardest to protect you from this hurt. I went through all the steps to make sure that he couldn’t ever come back to hurt you.
I wanted a normal life for you. I wanted the two parent home. I wanted the perfect picture of a family for you.
A house full of love, happiness, laughter, and memories. I like to believe I have given you that-you are loved beyond measure. The only thing you don’t have is a man to call your dad.
I have nerf wars with you. We build legos and play cops and robbers. You have an amazing family who loves you. Tons of friends who adore you.
You have a Papi who does all of the “boy” things with you. When I am at work you have MiMi, Kiki, and GiGi who always play with you.
You may not have a “normal” family, but you definitely have a loving one
As a single parent you try to be everything for your child. You have to be the mom and dad. You are there for every bump and bruise, every success, and every nightmare. You want to save the day and make all their hurt go away.
You ARE everything to them.